You have been sharp and clear as usual, MP.
Even if I haven't the pleasure to know you personally I think you are a very good person that will never be forget. At least by me.
As you know for sure, my nickname is related to an Italian parachute division that made things believed impossible.
I'm not able to do impossible things but it seems you are.
So do something impossible once again. F-U-C-K the odds.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/185th_Airborne_Division_FolgoreYou got to respect those guys that fly without wings...
I jumped out of perfectly good airplanes to land in fire zones when I was younger, but my knees could not take the hard landings on what was usually uneven, very hard or rocky ground. 12 jumps in 14 months was enough for me...
I cannot imagine jumping when under fire... (Shudder, Shudder)...
Folgore- You sell yourself very short my friend.
Everyone come closer so I don''t have to
repeat er... retype this...
You can be anything YOU want to be... - except perhaps a Brain Surgeon or a Rocket Scientist.... or perhaps Elvis Presley...
You can be the best YOU wish to become.
It is within your own power deep down inside your gut and desire to do anything with your life YOU truly want to do.
Never say... I cannot do that because.... This is only an excuse...
Never say, that is too hard for me... You are not only making an excuse, you have admitted defeat.
As a young man, I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up... matter of fact, I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up...
Something odd about this? Not really... It is well known that most men usually have no idea what they want to do with their life until something just pops into place...
Many of you have already got a plan... well that is a start.
Some of you already are on a path... that is great...
Some of you are still in school... you have time yet...
Really, and seriously for a moment... If you believe in yourself, and honest with yourself... you can do just about anything.
How do I know this?
I came in dead last in a class of 86 students my last four years of Public School. yea... there is something you really have to work hard to do...
I was voted the least likely to ever hold a good job or have a solid career. Both in public school and college. Again, I so far have batted a solid 100% and by the time I was 18... I also got this big chip on my shoulder that was actually a guarantee that I was going to fail at everything... so things were great in my world since I also thought I was bulletproof.
Since no one expected much from me... there was no one to disappoint... So would that mean anything positive might be an improvement? Would that mean I might actually surprise someone? No... I never signed up for a race... and only had to please me...
As Vietnam interrupted my perfect record for a while... things changed. I had to learn to survive and not get my ass blown to hell and back. Oh, yes ... toe poppers will blow your ass up. They are not designed to kill you right away... just wound and let you bleed out... real damn slow. Then it takes two more guys off the line to carry your ass to a rear position... ...Run Forest Run...
Moral... don't get your ass blown off or you going to have a very bad day.
Well I did not get my ass blown off... yet. There is still time for that experience...
Ok... back to my point. Even if you are already doing what you think is your dream job or... what you think you want to do... are you really?
So now comes the autobiographical part of today's program: When I first joined the Fire Service, the pay was bad, very bad... no one at that time did this for the money... duh... matter of fact I made more money in hazard pay in one year than I did my first full year as a firefighter. So ... Firefighting was something that was exciting but not something that would put my kids through college based on my pay grade at the time. And I was all about that excitement thing... perhaps a rush I did not get satisfied by not stepping on a toe popper.
I lived on the edge and thrived on it. Every time I got away from a dangerous situation without a scratch... I got a little more bold. Until one early morning in 1984. Everything that could go wrong, finally did. And I had done nothing wrong and had followed orders.
The house fire from hell... I finally saw the Flying Angels of Death they taught us about... and I danced with the devil. While my team had gone into the 3-story house (full basement) to attempt the rescue of two small boys, the house collapsed all the way down into the basement where we were. My two crew members were thrown clear of the collapse, but I was trapped. If the basement did not have its own exterior door to the outside world, the story would end like this:
Morning Headline - Fire Collapse Kills Three Veteran Firefighters.
While Family on vacation...
I was a lieutenant at the time... and still had no idea if this was my dream job. But that morning as I laid there trapped... with no hope to self rescue and running out of air as I watched my protective gear flame and melt into my body... I realized this was it. Damn... I am going to die right here.
A quick thinking guy on my team pull himself out of the debris and ran to the Scene Commander to advise him I was still in there. The only thing the Commander said was "too bad... but he was ass-xxxx"
What? No rescue attempt to get our guy out? Nope. End of your orders for the morning.
They say you have your whole life flash before your eyes as you are dying... nope... You think about what you care about the most... the most important things in your life... That was the situation for me...
I thought about how I was now letting my 5 little children down... I thought about my wife and how much she had been my support for many years as I was trying to find my way... I thought about my father and mother, and other friends and relatives. I had given up and made peace with myself and my Lord. It did not mean I was was okay with it.... only that I accepted the facts. I was very angry at myself during those minutes.
The last thing I saw before passing out from the pain and lack of air, was the huge blade from a big ass saw cutting through the debris and a concrete block wall... Two minutes later they had me out and on oxygen and trying to get me back. Someone decided that was not my day...so here I am.
I cannot explain in words the pain from the burns I received. I could only sob if I had the strength. I was in a burn ward for a long time. Morphine did not touch the pain for the first month. Not once did my Commander check on me. Then one day right before I was to be discharged to go home... I learned the truth about what happened after that morning.
4 Guys from my squad did not accept the Commander's decision to stand down... they basically mutinied and defied a standing command. That will get you shot in the military guys. But they took it on themselves to go get me at great risk to each and every one of them. Just because they were successful, did not make it right. Each guy was fired the next day by the Chief...
When I was told, I went nuts... and despite my pain and the doctors orders to stay in bed to let the wounds heal further, I went straight to the City mayor upon my release. I demanded to see the report that was filed at the city and also demanded the one sent to the state. No report was sent to the State, I found out... no one was injured at the event, which was the requirement at the time. Anytime a firefighter is injured on a scene, the amount of paperwork is just huge... So a total miscarriage of fact.
My Chief, had fired me too... The guy that is suppose to be the best of the best, smartest of the smartest, and the guy that is supposed to protect our asses out there... did no reports except the one that said "routine structure fire".... and fired everyone of us.
My wife knew about it and had already hired an attorney... but there was still time to file a claim, so they did not tell me. None of the medical bills were getting paid. My wife took a lousy job to pay the basic stuff, food, rent, etc... Those guys on my team did not tell me... and also did not tell me they had been blackballed in the Service. So who was hurt more in this deal? well it was not me... it was them. They maintained a stiff upper lip and kept me from knowing for one year while their own lives were falling apart. How do you deal with that? Think about how much these guys lost trying to save my life. And they all visited me a couple of times each week and acted like everything was fine.
The only reason I was told before my discharge was they were all sitting there in the hospital room when I said... "I've had enough boys... I'm not going back. Nothing is worth going through that risk again..." I was very wrong about that and they let me know it straight away. They were not going to watch me walk away because I was afraid....
People in the city went crazy as the news story was played the following week. Support for those 4 guys was immediate and swift. The Fire Chief was charged with a cover-up and endangering his people by the State Officials. His trial lasted two days and he will never command another damn thing in his life.... including his own ass-xxxx. Someone else will have to help him wipe. Just thinking about what this Chief did to those guys sends me into a rage. I was not as concerned about my own situation... It was my turn to pay these guys back... for the pain they were forced to go through for doing what we had been told was our job.
The highlight of the trial was the Prosecutor's response after the Chief answered the question about why he failed to report my injury to the State and why he fired the guys that saved me... He was asked about how he knew the firefighter was dead.
Prosecutor: "So your crystal ball told you that the firefighter who was trapped was already dead and you were trying to save the other firefighters' lives?"
Chief: "The firefighter could not survive that collapse and he was pronounced dead by me right then."
Prosecutor: "Now Chief... I ask you... who is that man right over there? (pointing toward firefighter)."
Chief: "He is the dead firefighter".
Prosecutor: "Are you sure he is dead? He looks pretty good for a dead guy... the guy you decided to play GOD on. Chief... you're lucky that dead guy over there has not kick your butt yet."
The rest was almost as damning... for the ex-chief. He acted like a little kid with his bottom lip stuck out in defiance through the two days. The jury brought the verdict in about ten minutes. Each of us were reinstated and paid two years four months back pay with full benefits restored. No penalty. The jurisdiction did not even put up a fight... they knew they had no viable reason to defend this conduct. Each of the guys was promoted, and each of us stayed about one more year and then went our own ways. We still had a very bad taste in our mouths over the event.
Oh...so what happened to me? Well I became the Chief for the next year. Every man on that team placed my name into a box so the mayor had no choice... no one else wanted the job... and they thought I should take over because I felt so strongly about how we conduct ourselves and treat our own. The following year, I was hired to take over another Department that had their own Chief God issue.... and where I started my 2nd Fire Career...
But I will still tell you I have no idea what I want to do with my life when I grow up... Jobs are not suppose to be
fun... perhaps the wrong word here. or are they?
So when everything looks like it is going to hell... most likely it is not hell itself. I thought I knew what hell was like as I was dying... but no... I have no idea still. Those guys that took one for me and never told me what they were going through... that is hell guys... They would rather go through all of that crap and let me believe everything was fine to make sure I was going to survive. They help me fight through the pain, infections, my loss of self esteem and my anger.... just because that was their mission and I was one of them.
I am still trying to pay all of that back... and there is no way the slate will be cleared. What they did for me is what I have tried to do the last 20 years.... protect each of my own guys. Even the ones that I have taught that worked somewhere else, my goal is to send a little bit of myself with them.
Call it wisdom, call it luck, call it whatever you want. I call it the most important thing you have already have within you... waking up the part of your brain that is always aware of what you are doing and what is going on around you. Call it a sixth sense when things are about to hit the fan. Call it a fundamental thing that we all have, but most of us don't realize it... the ability to call our own shots... The basic instinct to survive and turn things around quick.
I don't know how many firefighters I have taught over the years... no clure... someone has to be a lot smarter than me to figure that out... But not a week goes by without a past student sending me a note or coming by to visit. Usually they just want to chat, but many of them eventually get around to telling me thanks for giving them the power to save themselves... to fight back, and never accept failure as the final outcome. While that means as lot to me, the only thing I did was pay it forward... as I expect each of my students to pass on.
So in my final days on this mission, I am giving you guys the wake up call. Use it or lose it...
I am sorry for the models not yet completed and any promised and unfulfilled. I did my best but sometimes you must adjust that ceiling a little. You never know how far you can throw a ball until you try it... and I found out the ball does not go as far in the last couple of days. I'm still practicing.
Does this mean I failed? Not at all...but if you need to use that word... failing is only the opportunity to do it again and again until you get it right... sounds like practicing playing the clarinet or flute... I have no idea why I chose those instruments... but it really doesn't matter.
I was never a Fire Chief until the day I was one... Profound? Yes.
I was never a model builder until i was one...
But I was never a baby until I was one...
I was never a man until I was one.
Do you see a pattern?
We cannot let our fears or concerns paralyze us or keep us from trying to do new things.
Some things come naturally, part of the biological process we call birth, aging and death. The fact is you begin to die the moment you are born... hopefully there will be a whole lot of years between the beginning and end.
Some things come to us as opportunities or our own devices and desires. These are the ones where timing may be everything... and if you are not looking for something on the horizon, you will miss it. You don't have to even know what you are looking for. You only need to know how to spot it when it comes... and feels right.
For me... firefighting was that thing that felt right... Too bad it took four giant guys to show that to me 20 years ago.
I will tell you that yesterday I was a bundle of nerves... a lot on my plate right now... I have not slept for more than 2 hours at a time since Saturday. While my intention was to post those images... time slipped away from me... sorry about that...
I spent hours last night talking to past crew members and good friends from over the years. They had already heard of my situation. That is the thing... news travels faster than a bullet when one of our guys is in trouble... and they found out damn quick.
I have had a great life guys... and you all have been a very big part of it... If this goes badly... I just want you to know that.
Last year, this almost got me... and I am going to fight this now.
I can only do what I can do... then just a little bit more...
Please read that again and use that as one of your guiding lights as you walk through your own lives... it has kept me very balanced for 20 years now...
Many of you are just beginning to get out in the world. Some of you guys are old dogs like me. We all share a common bond despite our age, our country, our language. It is this thing we call 'The Game'...
This is not goodbye... I will never say that... While I have a chance... it cannot be goodbye...
I will say... until later my friends...